You know that feeling...

...the feeling that you wont be able to succeed because there's someone in the way?

Well, I feel that right now and it's not too swell. The sucky thing is that someone is one of my friends. A good friend, to be exact.

Oh, I don't know.

I dont know what to write about. haha. It usually just comes to me when I start. I can always talk about kpop but who really wants to read about kpop(unless you're a kpop fan then idk). Eh, whatever, here's an amazing song by an amazing band:

Ahh, Big Bang. I'm not a huge fan but this song is definitely one of my favorites out of all the kpop songs I listen to. The music video is also amazing depressing...along with all the other kpop music videos.

Why are most amazing kpop songs depressing? They're so catchy yet so sad! I love listening to the songs even though I don't understand a thing and then I get curious about what the lyrics are really saying. I'll search for the translated lyrics and lo and behold it'll be something like "i miss you" or "you hurt me so much" or "why did you leave me?"...all that depressing angsty stuff.

I apologize for going more into Kpop. I don't really have anything on my mind except for the fact that I wan't to find someone but I don't want to at the same time.

I'm always afraid of just introducing myself to other people because they'll judge me. Which is weird cuz I always say that I don't let it bother me but in reality, it does. It hurts to know that someone is thinking ill thoughts about you. Cuz you know, I please everyone so, in turn, I wont be hated.

I don't know where I'm going with this...but enjoy one of my bais' from BIG BANG:

I really like his eyebrows. lolololol.

Let's step up.

Those tap shoes are damn sexy.

I have fallen even more into the depths of kpop. More so the artists under Pledis Entertainment. I've mostly been listening to After School lately and I cannot get enough of them. Sure After School may not be as popular as SNSD but in my eyes, they're one of the most hard working girl groups in Korea. Don't believe me? Watch this video of After School tap dancing:

On top of tap dancing, they also practice learning how to play the snare drums for months!

They make marching band sexy. haha.

But my point is, my girls are amazing. They may not have the best vocals and they may not be #1, but they still are pretty awesome.

S'been awhile.

new obsession.

June 15, 2011

Indeed it has. I forgot I had this blog. haha.

I've recently been on Tumblr more now. http://ojay.tumblr.com/

Most of my posts consist of Kpop artists(After School mostly), 30 rock and random stuff. It's pretty fun, but I get tired of it every now and then. It's also become not as private as I originally wanted it to be. Oh well, I have this blog for my privacy. [=

Anyways, I've been rereading some of the blogs I posted here and boy do I sound immature. I feel so ashamed. Oh well, here's an update on my life:

I almost have my AA degree. I finished all my core classes this semester. I just need to talk to a counselor about graduating. Hopefully I'll be able to. I also need to take a couple of more classes to finish my GED. So excited.

On top of that, I've figured out what I really want to do in the next couple of years. I'm going to get my BA degree at a state uni(most likely Sac State) ASAP. Then save up to move to New York with my bff David. I'm going to either go for a Masters or Doctrate somewhere in NY. I'm also going to apply to Columbia University. I know I probably won't get it but it won't hurt to try right? Right.

Something happened this past friday. It was a special evening since it was my youth group's speaker's last night there. It was basically like a confessional night but not so intimidating. We all admitted to something. Whether it may be struggles or praises we were all able to confess something because we were all so loving.

I confessed about struggle with my sexuality. I talked about how each and everyday I fall, but I get back up because I've learned to let go. But it's still hard.

I'm not going to go more into that but it really does feel good to let others know what I'm struggling with. It's relieving to let others know who I really am. I don't know. How do I say this...?

I feel free. Free from all the feelings I've held inside. Free from all the pain I give myself from hiding. I just feel so free.

It's amazing.