Mar 6, 2009

dont eff with vegans, they will EFF you up.

BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY!!!

Blog 51 - 12:34am...i actually created this blog right at midnight. xD

I REFUSE TO HAVE A DEJABREW.

ahah.


im sitting here just thinking: i think im going to let something things out.

so here i go:

there are two people who are very very dear to me. they were the first two people i actually 'loved' in that way. ill call the first one....
rina and the other....sofa...yeah. xD

first off, rina and sofa are girls. yes, i know, i am a girl and its against my religion, but this who i am. am i a lesbian? no. i dont admit to it because i have no gender preference. i am honestly drawn to other's personalities. it just so happens that im drawn to females and that i havent found a male that hasnt met my standards...yet.

actually, i think have Misandry...or something like that. xD

rina was the first friend i made after elementary school. for those of you who didnt know, i moved to the elkhorn area right after the 6th grade. anyways, i think she was the first person to actually say 'hi' to me. actually, she called me a pig in our language. lmfao. xD
but yeah, we created a bond that was unbreakable, even to this day. she was probably the only person i held close onto in my heart at that time.

right after 8th grade promotion, rina disappeared from the face of the earth, or at least my world, so i forgot about her, yet i still kept her in my heart.

now, as highschool started, i started to get closer and opened up to someone. abril should know who im talking about. and maybe jess and felicia too, if they think about it. but yeah. sofa. i told sofa everything about myself. my past, my feelings etc. she was the first person i 'liked' and eventually came to 'love'.

somehow, sofa was able to find her way around my wall and held on. and we started to develop 'feelings' for each other. we eventually told each other and started this whole 'friends with benefits relationship with NO SEX'

BECAUSE SEX IS SCARRRYYYY!!!!!!!!
like vegans.

this lasted for quite awhile until we broke it off my senior year in highschool.

when sofa graduated, rina came back into my life. she just popped out of nowhere. literally. she was so kind and accepting towards me and as the days went by, i suddenly realized i developed feelings for her.

i was all like:

oh sh-t. i love sofa..but i like rina! wtf am i suppose to do?!

i eventually told her, but in the wrong way. or at least, i subconsciously did it.
oneday she asked me why i kepted on hugging her and other stuffs on MSN and i replied:

it's because you remind me of her.(sofa)

she replied: that really hurts, thim.

then she started crying and logged off of MSN.

later, i got a message from her saying... well i dont remember what she really said but the one thing i remember clearly was this line:

you didnt even think about how i felt about you!

after reading that line, i finally realized that i was a really stupid person. that 'it's because you remind me of her.' was basically screaming out:

ITS BECAUSE I LOVE YOUU!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!

i said the wrong thing to her that ultimately hurt her. the fact that i made her out of ALL people cry hurt me so much. i litterally punched myslef in the face for doing so.

after she stopped crying and settled down, she logged back on and i apologized to her. she, of course, accepted my apology and moved on.

i still love rina that way to this day. i know i should have let go, but i havent. she means so much to me. <3

we joke about what happened on that day sometimes and what we did during highschool. though, i dont think she remembers when i really told her i had feelings for her. ohwell.


lol, the adolescence of thim. its just like the adolescence of utena the movie!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. xD

Blog End - 1:35am.

vegans are scary.

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