Dec 14, 2011

I'll protect you til the end.

Be mine. I love you, okay?

Ahhh, Infinite. It's like you've hit me with cupid's arrow. Or maybe it's the Orchestral version that I love. Haha.

Either way, I really like this boy band. Their music is pretty good. Would I have a bias? Probably not. Not unless they're really really really pretty or they have eyebrows like TOP.

I just appeal more to the looks of women more than men.

Ultimate Bias. <333

Dec 8, 2011

I did not expect that to happen.

Everyone knows that I love my dear professor very much. I'm pretty sure he knows that I really really like him since I'm always blushing whenever I'm around him. I just adore him so much.

Today I planned to visit him. I set aside a specific time and I even made him a Christmas card. My reason for visiting him was just to see how he was and to wish him happy holidays. However, my plan didn't really follow through.

I was busy doing some errands before I left to go and visit him. By the time I reached ARC, I only had 10 minutes to talk to him since his class started in like 10 minutes. Anyways, I walked towards Davies Hall and up the stairs to the 3rd floor where his office was at.

Here comes the cute part:

When going up stairs, I usually stop for like a second and look up before heading up. When I got to the 3rd floor stairs, I collided with my professor. Well, not really. He was coming down as I was going up. I kinda stared at him for a few seconds since I was so surprised to see him. I smiled after wards though. As he was coming down the stairs, I told him I came to see him and then he gave me a hug.

We chatted for a few minutes and I gave him my card. It was almost time for his class to start so I told him I would walk to him to his class. We just chatted more until it was really time for him to start his class. Then we said our goodbyes and went our separates ways.

I'm going to visit him again on wednesday just so I can have more time to talk to him. Hehe. I love visiting him. (: <33

Dec 5, 2011

This is my Love Letter.

Well, not entirely.

This song is so dear to me. It's so sweet and so cute. I believe my friends are tired of me talking about this song. Haha.

So I've come to realized that I just really miss my friend I mentioned in my previous post. She is so dear to me. We've grown so detached from each other. What happened to our days in high school? The nights we would stay up to talk about our problems? I genuinely adored you and still do. I guess I just want our friendship back.

I'm glad it's just a friendship issue. I was starting to get worried about whether or not it was my mind that was playing tricks on me.

I just want to say, I miss you

Dec 3, 2011



I'm so happy I could cry. Its like you have come back into my life again. Maybe I'll have the guts to tell you how much you mean to me. Maybe I can finally tell you that I care for you so much like how you told me many years ago.

Dec 1, 2011

Have I mentioned that my laptop has died?

I'm pretty sure I have. It's pretty inconvenient now that finals are coming up. I have a lot of researching, studying and BSing to do for the next couple of weeks.

On top of that, I have a choir concert coming up so I guess that's exciting. We have come a long way since our first concert. I'm kinda proud of us. I say kinda only because our men still need to take it up a notch.
Well, I was going to visit my beloved professor tonight but I'm to lazy to. Next week shall do. Hehe.

Christmas is coming. Oh how I dread Christmas. Mostly because I have to deal with hundreds of people on Christmas eve. But this celebration is a tradition so I guess I'm kinda glad I'm still apart of it.

I've also decided to move out of America as soon as I am able to. Most likely to Canada. I know I always say I wanna move somewhere like San Diego or New York but this time I'm serious. I do not want to live in this corrupt country anymore. Land of the free you say? My ass. Sure we have some freedom in the things we do but it's very limited. The things America does is quite disturbing.

I am so very unpatriotic. :T

Nov 26, 2011

Am I delusional?

You really do look like her.

Who else has the same name and is of the same age and ethnicity?

Its been so long. Maybe I'll see you on Christmas Eve since I am going to your city on that day. How are you doing?

I have no doubt that she is either your aunt it your grandmother.

Nov 23, 2011

Its one hour before Thanksgiving and what am I thankful for?

A lot of things. Mostly for being saved by my Jesus and for God giving me all the days I have lived and will live in years to come. I'm also thankful for my amazingly awkward family. Thee are times when we don't get along but we pull through. With out my family, I don't think I'll ever be the person I am today.

I also very thankful for my wonderful friends. Though we may not be extremely close, they provide that social aspect in my life the I need. Honestly, without the friends I have right now, I would be super emo and anti-social. Even though I am already kinda anti-social. Haha

Now, none of my blogs would be complete without mentioning my professors who have inspired me so much.

First, Professor Hokerson. She gave me the hope I needed even though it was cliche. WIthout her support, I would never have confessed to my youth group about my raging struggles with my gender and sexualty. She was right; It does get better.

The other professor I'd like to thank is none other than Dr. Murakami. He provided that inspiration I needed to pursue a career similar to his. I simply admire him so much it's almost as if I'm in love with him. Not that I am. I mean I could be but he is way too old. And married. I digress. I'm just so grateful to have such a powerful accomplice.

Other than that, I'm just thankful to have this itouch. Ever since my laptop broke, I've been using this to surf the web. It's a good investment. Lol

Well, happy thanksgiving!! Don't forget to count your blessings! (: <3

Nov 16, 2011

Oh, people.

I'm so annoyed with them right now. I'm so tired of dealing with a select few and I believe I'm caring less even more than before.

I'm also mad all the time. Idk whats up but those ppl I don't want to talk to
need to leave me alone.

Nov 8, 2011

What is this?

Last night I had a dream about someone I haven't spoken to or seen in a long long time. It was weird but it was very pleasant. We just sat and chit-chatted and then I went off to the bathroom with someone. That someone was another person I adore but he randomly disappeared. I came back to the table but my friend was gone. What was left in her place was a letter with a Jamba Juice card(since she apparently worked there) and a number on the envelope. Then I woke up.

I think old feelings are starting to back up again. Or at least, I really do miss her. Maybe I should just attempt to talk to her once again.

Nov 6, 2011

I'm all over the place.

I've realized that I'm on so many different social websites. From Facebook to Twitter to Tumblr to here, it just never ends. Haha. Oh! Deviantart also!

However, I believe this one is my most private blog. I had a private blog on tumblr for awhile until I shared it with a couple of friends who also had tumblrs. So I guess it's not private anymore. Its a fun place, though.

Putting that aside, I'll be going to Hong Kong during July of 2012. I've always planned to do a missions trip to Thailand during the winter of 2012, but I believe that Hong Kong is calling to me. I'll be able to reach out to my people in my original country which is super exciting. I'll also be working under the Chinese government, so that's a bit thrilling also. Now all I gotta do is find a way to pay for my flight. Heh.

Going back to social networks, Facebook in particular, I've almost come to a point where I wanted to delete it. I'm so tired of getting random friend requests from people from my association. Some of them have never met me nor have they even spoken to me. There are many who have spoken to me once, but that doesn't count. The worst part is: they're teenagers mostly. Annoying teenagers who complain about everything and are consumed by their so-called "love-lives". Actually I think the thing that bothers me the most is people who are either really really blatant about their relationships or those who are really pessimistic in their statuses. Sure, I'm happy that you're in a relationship but do you have to let the world know that you're thinking/missing them in your status every frickin' minute?


You know, I kinda wonder why some of them are in relationships. Being happy in one status while breaking up a minute later. And then getting back together and then breaking up again in like 5 minutes. If it comes down to this, well, OBVIOUSLY Y'ALL ARE TOO IMMATURE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

As for those who are pessimistic, y'all just need to realize that you're fortunate enough to even be able to post your depressing status. There are villages in other countries where they only have ONE COMPUTER and DIAL-UP-LIKE INTERNET. Be more appreciative of what you have and don't take anything for granted.

Sorry for the random venting. But you know, sometimes, I just want to unfriend these people.

Since I'm just randomly venting, I'm just gonna end this with a letter I wrote to a guy:

Dear ________.

I don't talk to you anymore because I don't want to. We never had a friendship and we never will. I do not want to get to know you more because I am simply tired of trying to make new friends. I'd rather live comfortably knowing the friends I know right now rather than making new ones. Obviously, I have no interest in pursuing a friendship with you. I believe I've clearly made it clear that I do not want to hang out with you since I'm obviously uninterested. Will you please stop talking to me?

I hope you have a good day.

Aug 19, 2011

Oh sigh.

I realized that when I'm not paying attention, I tend to tear up. I just catch myself doing so...

I know the passing of my great-grandma shouldn't affect me as much as it does right now but it does. When I woke up this morning, it felt like someone took away something from me like someone ripped something out of my heart.

I feel pain and it's been awhile since I've felt it.

I know it's bearable but I can't help but cry. Maybe all the tears I've held onto is finally coming out.

"You were the best role model anyone could ever hoped for. You showed us kindness and love and taught us many good values that we would share with everyone around us. We love you and will always be missing you. Although we cry many tears and we're sorrowful for losing you, we find peace in our hearts knowing that you are in a greater place. RIP Great-Grandma. ;_;" - Nai.

Aug 17, 2011

I don't know what I want anymore.

I just feel weird, sometimes empty when it comes to this.

Why do I get attached to people so much? I'm clingy, and I hate it. I can't let go; it's been so long.

But I want it to happen. I'm sorry.

Jun 30, 2011

You know that feeling...

...the feeling that you wont be able to succeed because there's someone in the way?

Well, I feel that right now and it's not too swell. The sucky thing is that someone is one of my friends. A good friend, to be exact.

Jun 17, 2011

Oh, I don't know.

I dont know what to write about. haha. It usually just comes to me when I start. I can always talk about kpop but who really wants to read about kpop(unless you're a kpop fan then idk). Eh, whatever, here's an amazing song by an amazing band:

Ahh, Big Bang. I'm not a huge fan but this song is definitely one of my favorites out of all the kpop songs I listen to. The music video is also amazing depressing...along with all the other kpop music videos.

Why are most amazing kpop songs depressing? They're so catchy yet so sad! I love listening to the songs even though I don't understand a thing and then I get curious about what the lyrics are really saying. I'll search for the translated lyrics and lo and behold it'll be something like "i miss you" or "you hurt me so much" or "why did you leave me?"...all that depressing angsty stuff.

I apologize for going more into Kpop. I don't really have anything on my mind except for the fact that I wan't to find someone but I don't want to at the same time.

I'm always afraid of just introducing myself to other people because they'll judge me. Which is weird cuz I always say that I don't let it bother me but in reality, it does. It hurts to know that someone is thinking ill thoughts about you. Cuz you know, I please everyone so, in turn, I wont be hated.

I don't know where I'm going with this...but enjoy one of my bais' from BIG BANG:

I really like his eyebrows. lolololol.

Jun 16, 2011

Let's step up.

Those tap shoes are damn sexy.

I have fallen even more into the depths of kpop. More so the artists under Pledis Entertainment. I've mostly been listening to After School lately and I cannot get enough of them. Sure After School may not be as popular as SNSD but in my eyes, they're one of the most hard working girl groups in Korea. Don't believe me? Watch this video of After School tap dancing:

On top of tap dancing, they also practice learning how to play the snare drums for months!

They make marching band sexy. haha.

But my point is, my girls are amazing. They may not have the best vocals and they may not be #1, but they still are pretty awesome.

Jun 15, 2011

S'been awhile.

new obsession.

June 15, 2011

Indeed it has. I forgot I had this blog. haha.

I've recently been on Tumblr more now.
Most of my posts consist of Kpop artists(After School mostly), 30 rock and random stuff. It's pretty fun, but I get tired of it every now and then. It's also become not as private as I originally wanted it to be. Oh well, I have this blog for my privacy. [=

Anyways, I've been rereading some of the blogs I posted here and boy do I sound immature. I feel so ashamed. Oh well, here's an update on my life:

I almost have my AA degree. I finished all my core classes this semester. I just need to talk to a counselor about graduating. Hopefully I'll be able to. I also need to take a couple of more classes to finish my GED. So excited.

On top of that, I've figured out what I really want to do in the next couple of years. I'm going to get my BA degree at a state uni(most likely Sac State) ASAP. Then save up to move to New York with my bff David. I'm going to either go for a Masters or Doctrate somewhere in NY. I'm also going to apply to Columbia University. I know I probably won't get it but it won't hurt to try right? Right.

Something happened this past friday. It was a special evening since it was my youth group's speaker's last night there. It was basically like a confessional night but not so intimidating. We all admitted to something. Whether it may be struggles or praises we were all able to confess something because we were all so loving.

I confessed about struggle with my sexuality. I talked about how each and everyday I fall, but I get back up because I've learned to let go. But it's still hard.

I'm not going to go more into that but it really does feel good to let others know what I'm struggling with. It's relieving to let others know who I really am. I don't know. How do I say this...?

I feel free. Free from all the feelings I've held inside. Free from all the pain I give myself from hiding. I just feel so free.

It's amazing.